and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
