So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
