the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
