I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
