Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's rum buckets o'clock
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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