If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
