My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
