whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
