Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
