sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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