first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
