Buhtt sex?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
