Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
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"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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