im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
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why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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