I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
