I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How's work?
Spinning.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
