Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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