All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
