hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
