So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
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Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
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I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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