1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She's like a pop up book from hell.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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