i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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