she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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