Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i believe in u and ur pee
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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