highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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