Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
