He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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