he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
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