This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
