But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
