i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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