how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
