You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
