I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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