@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
