she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Randomize
