You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
