Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
