Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
