What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Im part way to drunk.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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