He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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