whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
