he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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