I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
there is glitter all over my balls
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