; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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