Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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