i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is my gift to your gina
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
