i just wanna soil my oats bro
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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