So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
