Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
