hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
