Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
