I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
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