If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
