Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
someone threw a dead crab at me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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