Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
