hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
