I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
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Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
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I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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