The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
