Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
