he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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