i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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