sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
