did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
