wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
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only if we run a train.
done.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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