now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
