i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
