Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
