I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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