dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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