U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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